Step One: Give yourself a new name. A name is the basis of an identity. When you introduce yourself to new people (which you will be doing often) you should give them this fresh name of yours. It not only establishes you as a different person to them, but makes it easier for you yourself to accept your new identity. Make sure to choose one that embodies this new person you aim to be.
Step Two: She has seen the words plastered all across the forums, in Times New Roman, Century Gothic, Papyrus, different words but all with the same meaning. ‘The only way to truly understand who you are in this moment,’ AppleAddict93 writes, ‘is to look back at your past. Childhood is the place where all things meet, both who you were and who you are sure to be. Look there to find out the answers.’ So she tries, but that’s hard when she doesn’t remember much of her childhood, and when the later parts of it were so strange and so annoying that she’s just taken to brushing it off when the thought enters her head. Her childhood is in no way traumatic, but it is not pleasant, and she doesn’t need answers right now. No, she’s not doing all this for answers, she’s trying to do the same things she’s always been doing – just on a clean slate. No, this isn’t her running away.
Step Three: Dye your hair a new colour. Something bold, something shocking, something not you (the old you, i mean) would choose. Try grey.
Step Four: She is staring at her contacts page, gripping her phone tight to stop her hands from trembling so much. She can put a face to every one of these names, a first meeting and a last sighting, an inside joke, a secret shared. Deleting one feels like deleting all of that, like pressing YES on a folder to start a new game. It feels dirty, even though she knows this is meant to make her clean. Clean, pure, pristine, guiltless, new- New. This will be worth it, you just don’t know it now. These tears you spill, they won’t matter then, when it’s most important. This person you are now just doesn’t suit you enough for their pain to matter. You will be beautiful – soon enough, at least.
Step Five: Just forget.